Just been made aware of the fact that some people are unironically referring to the General Election as the Jenny Lec and, I’ll be honest, I’m not coping too well with this awful information.
You Might Also Like
5 lil monkeys jumping on the bed
one fell off & bumped his head
called the doctor & the doctor said
U DO NOT HAVE A PERMIT FOR THESE ANIMALS
Bugs Bunny is mostly ears, which makes him a great listener and an ideal boyfriend.
HIM: somebody should probably do the dishes
ME: *drinking wine out of a bowling trophy* agree to disagree
What fool called it a submarine chef and not a pressure cooker?
Ain’t no panic like when you think you’ve misplaced your driving cheese.
How long can you let the bidet run before it switches from business to pleasure?
My husbands jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day he looked at my calendar and wanted to know who June was.
Fun Fact:
The “eye roll” was created by Eve in the Garden of Eden within 15 min of her first conversation with Adam.
Shout out to my kids.
BECAUSE SHOUTING IS THE ONLY WAY THEY HEAR ME.
Apple has solved laptop theft by making them obsolete by the time thieves get out the door.
[In line at Starbucks]
[Woman behind me talking] I work in an office with 50% men so-
[Excitedly turn around] OMG YOU WORK WITH CENTAURS
me as a teen: chapstick is stupid
me in my late 30’s: who the hell touched my recliner chapstick?!
what idiot called them crabs instead of sidewalks
I feel a deep connection to librarians because I also love telling people to shut up.
I used to have a desk with great selfie lighting and then I changed jobs for personal fulfilment.
I wouldn’t recommend it.
How to properly use a paper clip:
1. Throw in garbage
2. Use a stapler
The two types of wives
culinary school students be like “bruh i got spaghetti due at midnight 😰”
I’ll never buy an electric guitar. Only gas guitars for me thank you very much.
Wife snake: Did you eat the last rat?
Husband snake (shape of rat in stomach): What rat?
Aquarius: Your career is moving forward this week. Not with you, of course. Wave to it as it drives away in a new Lamborghini.
No, I am not okay. Facebook just showed me something I posted 10 years ago.
This pregnancy test confirmed my worst fear… I’m just fat.
If your wife asks which friend would you like to have a threesome with, name her. Not two of her friends. Trust me guys.
Imagine us having sex..
Wrong, more lasagna.
BREAKING: Metropolitan Police have stated that whoever broke into Scotland Yard last night and locked all their case files in a picnic basket has seriously hampered their investigations.
I keep smelling ammonia in my apartment so obviously my organs are failing and I’m going to die. Or a neighbor is cleaning.
I don’t know why HR tell me I’m not allowed to use the fire extinguisher unless there’s a fire, then get cranky when I start one.
Thank you lady with the screaming kid I almost forgot to pick up more condoms.
My wife tried on my cargo shorts and now they have fake pockets.