@Gupton68

Making snow angels but it’s just me rolling around in pizza cheese.

You Might Also Like

@Reverend_Scott

DOCTOR: Push again, the baby is-

MOTHER: IS SOMETHING WRONG?

DOCTOR: [holding phone] No, I just caught a Jigglypuff up in there.

@Trump_ton

Probably even more relevant for the next couple of days.

“Just make sure he knows these are for Christmas AND his birthday”

Happy Birthday if it’s yours today.

@Cool_Jesse

That’s the last time I follow some dude into the woods just because he tells me he’s a wizard.

@mrs_campfire

Facebook: see what my mom’s friends are up to

Instagram: see what my favorite celebrities are up to

Twitter: see what my fellow swamp demon hell spawn are up to

@beefman138

Dear People who like me,

I appreciate every single two of you.

@timdonakowski

Kudos to Google for starting a company before you could Google, “How to start a company?”

@daryl_licked

My girlfriend’s daughter was laying across my legs.

Me: What am I a pillow now?

Her: Yep, and pillows don’t talk.

I think we’re bonding.

@dksc4life

T-REX: listen up pal
AL: my name is al
PTERODACTYL: that’s what he said