@shawnpearlman Overheard: “I think that guy is listening to us.”
@AngryRaccoon2 Me not wearing a bra is apparently a bat signal for anyone in the neighborhood who might need to come to my door for any reason .
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@shawnpearlman 5: I want to do something no one else has ever done.
Me: Help me clean?
5: No. Something fun.
@9589smith Son, I’ve made some questionable decisions in life & I must go away for awhile to face the consequences.
How I tell my 5yo I’m off to poop
@Royotathon i kept all our old baby gates to make sure no new babies got IN the house.
@WhatsAGreenhorn Who called them dentures and not substitooths?
@Nips_00 I love drinking games…. except the one where you have to try to walk a straight line while saying the ABCs backwards
@ObscureGent Make your day better by imagining people you don’t like floating helplessly into the sun.
@IvoryGazelle Jesus: *picks up bread* this is my body
Jesus: *picks up wine* this is my blood
Jesus: *picks up eggplant* i think we allll know what this is lol yea
@trevso_electric If diet and exercise are not working for you, try actually dieting and actually exercising.
@sarcasticmommy4 I asked my husband what he wanted for Father’s Day & he said silence & then we all laughed & laughed & the kids went back to breaking the sound barrier.