@whatsJo

My first subtweet was in the 3rd grade when I added extra glitter to Nathan’s Valentine.

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@Tmoney68

Hi, I’m Tony. Voted “Most Likely To Become A Time Traveler” by the class of 2042.

@alfageeek

Starting to think North Korea just really hates the ocean.

@TrueQuixote

The first Hobbit movie was half the book. The second, about a quarter. In the sixth instalment, the group has a 3 hour breakfast and a nap.

@Lola_Areola

Lay with me until everything crumbles and nothing but creeping ivy shields us from the incessant chatter of wandering cadavers. Bring snacks

@capnwatsisname

An air mattress is great when you want to sleep on the floor but not right away.

@dadmann_walking

there are smart kids. Then there are my kids heating popsicles up in the microwave.

@Parkerlawyer

Couple finalizing divorce and they are fighting over the joint Facebook account bc candy crush is linked to it.

Anyone want to trade jobs?

@Playing_Dad

When someone RTs me, I get as excited as I used to when I was ten and I got mail