@hbreaker9999 What is this World Cup and can I drink from it?
@MelvinofYork My friend sent me an invitation to an “Interactive Murder Mystery Dinner” which is great because I’ve always wanted to decline one of those.
You Might Also Like
@hbreaker9999 
@JustBeingEmma I was tired of losing my glasses so I put them on a chain. Now my hair’s in a tight bun, there’s a used hanky in the sleeve of my cardigan and I lick my index finger every time I turn a page.
@HomeProbably Stranger danger is a very real thing.
They nearly always react badly to proposals.
@Rollinintheseat [gazing into The mirror of Erised]
Harry Potter: *sees his dead parents that he’s never met*
Ron Weasley: *sees a Taco Bell opening in Diagon Alley*
@Brentweets Trail Mix should just be called “Dig around until you find the M&M’s”
@pauleggleston I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.
@jonnysun its a good thing we swallow 8 spiders a year bc if it werent for those spiders, we’d be swalowing hundreds of flies and smaller insects
@ojedge Sieved flour to rule them all
A pinch of salt to grind them
Cup of milk, then mix them all
add an egg to bind them-Lord of the Onion Rings
@1Happytwit Shouting “Shotgun” will get you the front seat of a car or a heap of cash if you whisper it to a cashier.
@batkaren Why just pufferfish? Why not other pufferanimals?
Why not a pufferpuma?