the Purge but instead of killing for 24 hours we get to talk to customers the way they talk to us
daaaaang i look good
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*gently releases can of tuna into the ocean*
Go ahead, Little Buddy! You can do this!!!
Pollen count so high, junkies are trying to uncook their meth back to Sudafed.
I watered my garden and then it rained so I’d like a refund please
My wife wants me to go to Zumba with her. I am hopeful that this is a place to get burritos.
Opponent: *crushes it*
Me: Oh, I… umm. I thought this was something else… *hastily hides plastic wrap behind back*
Getting pretty tired of Vin Diesel hopping into the passenger seat yelling “PUNCH IT” when I am just trying to eat my lunch alone in my car
why does half of Twitter think they’re going to lead a communist uprising when they’re too scared to order pizza on the phone
Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby, I’m just gonna shake their soda
Everyone hates their job until someone brings cupcakes in.