My son, 5, scared of the thunder.
I told him that was silly considering the sun could explode any day, killing us all.
Think that helped.
[showing new guy around office]
Me: Watch out for that guy, he has a short fuse, haha.
New guy: He said the same about you, haha.
Me: *throws coffee mug at wall* HE NEEDS TO SHUT HIS STUPID MOUTH!
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one of my students brought back his report card today signed “MOMMY” 😭
4-year-old: What happens if I throw up in the red shoe bin by the door?
Me: Why is your question alarmingly specific?
4: No reason.
*At the Carnival*
Me: How much for the petting zoo?
*Drunk at Walmart by the dressing rooms*
If I had to choose one word that encapsulates me, I’d say skin.
I’m like a squirrel. If I’m crossing a road, and a car comes by, I never know what to do. I just go mad.
you don’t need to go to a workshop to build a bear, most of the time you don’t even need to build a bear.
Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight. Also, no outside food, they are so strict about that.
.@cocacola i tried to give a coke bottle to a polar bear. he did not accept. also he took my son. i need my son back