@kelkulus

Spanish for wife – “esposa”
Spanish for handcuffs – “esposas”
Well played, Spanish

You Might Also Like

@psybermonkey

Journalist: what are your thoughts on the arms race?

Me: I strongly believe that races should be done with legs

@KrazykurtKurt

If you tell your girlfriend you think the girl at in the corner shop fancies you,
you’ll never have to pop out to get bread and milk again

@bornmiserable

You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and suddenly you’re accused of being a kleptomaniac

@XplodingUnicorn

Optometrist: Any questions about laser eye surgery?

Me: How big of lasers will my eyes shoot?

Him:

Me:

Him: How much money do you have?

@MediocreMamaa

My 4yo told me he had a dream that I had another baby and now I’m retracting my statement that I want all his dreams to come true.

@soulindivision

I talk a lot of shit for someone whose immune system interprets my ear piercings as a threat.

@preritpathak

*At a clothing store*

Worker: Do you need any help sir?
Me: *Mixes “No, I’m good” & “No, I’m just looking”*

Me:”No, I’m just good looking”

@hemjhaveri

If I were the NY Times I’d make Wordle free to play but charge 99 cents to post your score on Twitter.