the chicken was already gone when I got here

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If a tiger attacks your mother-in-law and your wife at the same time, whom would u save?
Man : Off course, the tiger.. very few are left


If you’re a guy and your profile picture has a photo clicked of yourself in front of a mirror,



Just once, I’d like to see a judge take the verdict slip from the jury, look at it, and then turn and say,



A man at a cemetery for Titanic victims claims to have taken a photo of a ghost. The ghost reportedly said “there was room for two people.”


Apparently I pack an apple in my 5 year old’s lunch so it can get out of the house for a few hours.


If I were a mob boss, I’d ask my henchmen to meet me down by the docks, then surprise them with a day of water skiing


It’s that time of year again, to reflect and remember how much I love my tax deductions.

Kids… I meant my kids.


Bread, a tale of tears

I had a loaf in my grocery cart when something heavy fell on it. At home, as I am removing it from the car I closed the trunk on it. Once I got it out of the trunk it immediately broke through its bag and fell to the driveway.

Incredibly it tasted amazing


A Trojan ball of yarn shows up at the cat lady’s house and 40 squirrels come running out.


You’re suppose to wear clean underwear in case you’re ever in an accident.
I wear a new pair of shoes every day in case a house lands on me.