the statue of liberty was a trojan horse thing but it was too hard to break out of and it’s full of skeletons now
You Might Also Like
After what happened to Lance Armstrong I’m kinda worried they are gonna come after my bowling trophies
[loudly in front of a bunch of ducks] “OH NO I SEEM TO HAVE BROUGHT TOO MUCH BREAD WITH ME WHATEVER SHALL I DO?” *ducks try to play it cool*
if you ever see me shirtless, galloping past you majestically on horseback, call an ambulance because i don’t know what i’m doing
My date spent all night telling me that she loved Bad Boys – Then seemed disappointed when we got back to mine and I put the DVD on.
It turns out the only way to get my kids to flush the toilet is for me to be showering when they use it.
“how’d your football team football today?”
those footballers footballed quite well…really good footballin’
*Dabs maple syrup on wrists and behind my ears
‘Sup.
Date: so what do you do
Me: i build dog houses
Date: oh you’re an “arf”itect lol
Me: haha good one
Date:
Me: (under breath) it’s “bark”itect
i wanna do one of those guy takes a picture of himself everyday for a year but i’m afraid people will be like wow he really wears that sweater a lot
“Describe yourself in 4 words.”
Bad at counting.