“There’s a sleeping person. Let’s go ask it questions.” – Children - @yoyoha

“There’s a sleeping person. Let’s go ask it questions.” – Children

*nose hairs growing out of control

*buys tiny scissors

*jam them in the eyes of whoever I catch staring at my nose hairs

when you’re jamming to an old-school r&b song and someone older than you ask “what you know about this?”

me:

Europeans are like “we go on holiday but Americans don’t go on holiday, they go on vacation.”

WE DON’T GO ON VACATION EITHER

If love didn’t hurt, it wouldn’t be called love…it would be called tacos.

Instead of a happy ending the masseuse gave me an indie movie ending. She stopped suddenly at a random point and left everything unresolved.

Barista won’t write “Air Bud was bullshit” on my coffee cup. We’ve been arguing for 20 minutes. HE’S A DOG THAT PLAYS BASKETBALL

I eat pudding with a fork, so no, crossword puzzles aren’t really my ‘thing’.

I can’t even tell you how much I would not enjoy this

This meal prepping shit is easy

I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass.

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