GF and I went to see Dark Knight Rises our 9th date. Dates can be summarised dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner Batman.
Doctor: how did that vase get in there, again?
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I can only please one person a day, and i already pleased myself this morning.. so y’all are screwed!
3 am phone call, “Hey, are you asleep?” Nope, Im skydiving.
why dont they ever have plagues of endangered animals, like a plague of panda bears. oh no our entire bamboo crop is gone haha
I got my followers the old fashioned way – with tranquilizer darts.
If each day is a gift, I’d like to discuss the return policy.
Go ahead and assume it’s a banana;
I’m rarely that happy to see anyone.
Me: got my fries just gonna open this packet of ketchup.
Ketchup Packet: haha nope.
Me: come on man please.
Ketchup Packet: use your teeth.
Me: uh what?
Ketchup Packet: use. your. teeth.
Me: ugh fine.
[ketchup explodes everywhere]
Ketchup Packet: lol.
Real House Wines.
“For I am Christ the Redeemer, He Who Saves!”- Jesus, using his coupons.