Sleepless in Seattle starring Tom Honks and Meg Ryan (1993)
You Might Also Like
We don’t have voluntary control over our internal organs because our brains don’t trust us enough to keep ourselves alive.
I can tell my 5yo will make a great politician someday by the way he uses other kids as human shields in dodgeball.
Upon finding I was going to the dentist to have a tooth pulled, I did what any 6 year old would do and armed myself with rocks that I threw at him as soon as he came in
I ended up getting a spanking AND my tooth pulled but no way was I going down without a fight.
When my kids were younger, I told them that the candy at the checkout counter was fake. Then we would laugh at the people buying “fake candy.”
She once called me bae so I had to baeurry her in my backyard..
*tying a ton of balloons to my neighbor’s dog* Good boy, Oliver, now take your incessant barking to the sky
I don’t have an alarm clock, I have cats
This chick just said Q as in cucumber.
I’ma just focus on me.
My dad shouted “shut up idiots” to the cats.
I told him “You’re speaking English to a cat. You’re the idiot. You have to meow at them.”
The irish goodbye: leave without telling anyone
The Midwest goodbye: stand around for 4-8 more hours saying goodbye to the entire party
My cat likes to meow at me a lot. I like to meow back at him.
Sometimes when I meow back he stops meowing and I worry that I might have insulted his mum or something
My husband just asked this southern 8 ball if I loved him. It said “bless your heart” 😆
I got mad when my gum lost its flavor. I chewed it out.
for $8 a month i should never have to stop at a red light again
I listen to your prayers, but only to correct their grammar.
Interviewer: and finally, why do you want to become a police officer.
Me: [thinking of all the awesome parties i’ll finally get called to] help the community obviously
Two ladybugs landed on me so I gay-married them, and now we’re being picketed by Westboro Baptist praying mantises.
[being murdered]
me: you know you should really talk to someone about all of this. do you want the number of my therapist?
ME: I’m ok. I’m ok. It’s just cramp.
GYM INSTRUCTOR: Ok, tie your other lace and lets do this.
i have good and bad news
Wife: Ok, the bad news?
i didn’t clean out the garage
Wife:*sigh* the good news?
[holds up cat dressed as Thor]
A lady just told me that the theatrical release of “Cats!” is what caused the pandemic, and I want to argue, but I can’t.
Boss: You’re late! On Friday, I made it clear that anyone arriving late would be fired
Me: Well I didn’t know! I ducked out early on Friday
If the horse track doesn’t open back up soon, I’m gonna lose the only math I remember.
My spirit animal is an upturned turtle.
nothing better than sand between your toes at the beach, and nothing worse than sand between your toes literally anywhere else.
her: [during sex] call me names
me: [panicking] optimus prime
-Sorry I was sick and missed your party.
-It’s next Saturday.
-Sorry I’m going to get sick and miss your party.
Carl: Perfect weather tonight.
Me: Tell me something I don’t know.
Carl: Butterflies taste with their feet.
Me: Fair enough.
disney ceo: live action little mermaid
animator: yep
ceo: it’s in the ocean
animator: got it
ceo: coral reefs
animator: understood
ceo: lots of fish
animator: [nose suddenly bleeding] i don’t- what is.… finsh?
Sick of obnoxious ring tones in the office, so I’ve set mine to the sound of a girl screaming (horror movie style).