What was more important than the invention of the first telephone?
The invention of the 2nd telephone
You Might Also Like
‘Worcestershire’ sounds like the most awful shire a Hobbit could possibly live.
At the end of Ratatouille, the food critic, Anton Ego, ends up funding a small bistro for Remy to cook in.
The avg lifespan for a rat (ie THE HEAD CHEF) is 1.8 years.
This is an absolute shit investment.
Ladies, lemme assure you.. I’m not trying to get into your pants. I can barely get into my own pants at this point.
Forcibly removed from the bowling alley for throwing overhand again
Back from my bike ride and I feel fit as a fiddle … the fiddle, ya know, that most athletic of instruments…
Despite standing in the same spot and yelling “Dad!” 427 times, my daughter is nowhere closer to finding where her dad is.
My dogs bowl has DOG written on it so my kids don’t eat it
When I was a little girl dreaming about what life in my thirties might be like, I envisioned way more powerful enemies.
goldfish mafia
[first day of work as a 911 operator]
“Hello, 911”
Hi someone’s trying to break into my house
“holy shit call 911”
Although this might seem a bit pricey at first, please keep in mind that it takes approximately two dozen mice to make one pound, which comes out to only about nineteen cents per mouse.
Get in loser grandma lost at bingo and has gone after the priest.
Turtleneck pro: if you wear one while you’re eating you can’t get crumbs in your bra.
Turtleneck con: see above.
Just got my results from ancestry dot com and it turns out I’m a quarter manatee.
What idiot called it the bicycle repair shop and not
Received a resume today that listed gap explanations which included such hits as “skydiving accident”, “temporary blindness” and finally my personal favorite “cartwheel incident”
14: Wanna play a game?
12: Sure!
14: Do an impression of Mom
12: Oh that’s easy
14: WITHOUT SWEARING
12: Forget it.The end.
I haven’t filled up the salt and pepper shakers on the table for a year and I still don’t think my family has noticed nothing is coming out of them.
[date shouting over music on the dance floor]:
WHY ARE YOU HOLDING TWO CORN DOGS?
Me: BECAUSE I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY HANDS!
We need to keep kids off drugs. It’s hard enough to find them without kids buying them too
“I’m so tired of being poor and unemployed,” says the TV show character who wears a new designer outfit in every scene
My bumper sticker says “My kid is your honor student’s drug dealer.”
A Norwegian version of the idiom “like a fish out of water” translates to “like a Dane on skis.” And an old Norwegian phrase for someone sneaking out of a party without saying bye is “making a Swede of oneself.” Conversely, a Finnish euphemism for vomiting is “speaking Norwegian”
[first day as a waiter]
customer: excuse me, there’s a fly in my soup??
me: so sorry about that! *drops a spider in the soup* that should take care of it
Kidnapper: we have your wife
Me: you sonofa-it was HER turn to take the kids to the park today!
Hear me out, a headband that displays your brain activity so I can see when you’re bored of this conversation
Me, in my teens: *tries a new hobby*
Me, in my 20s: *tries a new career*
Me, in my 30s: *tries a new burner on my stove*
I laughed at Yoda for hiding in a swamp
Then again, he’s the only Jedi to ever die from old age
Maybe he knew what he was doing after all.
Stop asking me about my five year plan.
Let me eat my pizza in peace and denial.
If a gifted child is put up for adoption, is he a regifted child?