JOKER ENDING EXPLAINED! those names were the people who worked on the film
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I see you’re busy. I’ll come back and ruin your free time.
Me: [eating apple & staring out window] It really works.
*roving gang of doctors walk past house*
*feral teacher crashes through window*
🎶Well you can tell by the way I clumsy walk
I’m an awkward girl, don’t wanna talk
Mumble sounds, eyes look down
I’ve been trippin ’round since I was born
And it’s all right, it’s okay
Please just look the other way
🎶
coworker suggested i drink fewer than six energy drinks so i tossed him through the break room like a discus
Me: I miss the good old days
Wife: when we were young, alive, still full of hope?
M: no, when I had to use an ampersand to make a tweet fit
W: I despise you
Good guy: *kills henchman*
Henchman: wow
Good guy: [to bad guy] I’m not going to kill you, that would make me a murderer like you
Henchman: WOW
i wash my hair the same way i wash a cast iron skillet, with shampoo
Me: Grab me the red one
Dog: Not funny
PSA: wild animals do not know to look away from the eclipse. Bring all them inside during it. Birds, raccoons, fox..all of em
Guy in front of me at McDonald’s: I’ll take two of everything
Me: IS THERE A FLOOD
I DON’T KNOW ABOUT?
This hospital has everything
DAD: *to my brother* Just be yourself.
ME: And me?
DAD: Just be your brother.
the next time u see a fork in the road, just try to remeber that at least, no mater wat u did, u werent the person who tried to eat the road
Air used to be free at the gas station, now it’s $1.50. Know why?
Inflation
interviewer: describe yourself
me: you know the urge to awkwardly hobble-run across the road when someone lets you cross? i am basically that energy manifested into an entire person
interviewer: ok
HR said I’m no longer allowed to offer clients tea when they arrive
Everyone was texting her good morning sunshine, so I texted her “good morning solar eclipse”
Yeah, don’t do that.
Her: You’re a dumpster fire
Me: So you think I’m hot??
If you put dry teabags in shoes they absorb the odor. So your shoes smell good but the tea tastes so bad it’s almost not worth it
ME: what’s wrong with my dog
VET: he appears perfectly healthy
ME: i give him a stick and he just stares at it
VET: …
ME: even if I go long, he refuses to throw it
I’ll judge you by the way you treat people.
Also by your music and book preferences, but mostly the first thing.
angel: whatcha making?
god: *sharpening a fly* bee
Johnny Depp would have made an excellent Catwoman.
[dad accidentally steps on the dog]
I’m sorry girl, I didn’t see you. Are you ok?[dad accidentally steps on me]
Why are you on the floor?!
Married 25 years, yet the wife and I still find things to talk about every day.
Just not with each other, obviously.
[dog catches me bringing a box of fireworks in the house]
Me: Oh hey buddy, this isn’t what it looks like, okay.
Aries: Measure twice, cut once, and don’t leave any fingerprints.
me reading the group chat when nobody thinks i’m around
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