‘Triskaidekaphobia’ is the word for an irrational fear of the number 13.
But why does Big Dictionary have no word for if the fear is rational? Like, maybe the number 13 killed your family, or cut your brake lines.
Stay woke, friends.
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Serious talk at the office of replacing me with one of those fainting goats.
the gender neutral urge to point out a cow while on a road trip
I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay because every time I cook it screams at me
GREAT WHITE SHARK: *Jumps out of water & eats seal*
JUST OK WHITE SHARK: *Frantically waves flipper to try & get seaweed off but can’t*
[Scooby & the gang catch a regular guy]
“Let’s see who this ghost really is!”
No! Wait, I’m not-
[rip off face]
*gasps* “OLD MAN SKELETON?”
FB post from HS friend on pic: My boyfriend is such a dreamboat!
My comment: So was the Titanic.
The Neverending Story is my favorite movie about laundry
Why are dirty words only four letters. There should be at least one 19-letter word that’s so filthy you get grounded for a month.
I went out of town for a few days and came home to my dog who seems to want to have a word with me about it.
before 2018 ends, I’d like to apologize to the guy who parked too close to me at the Family Dollar. Sorry for leaving that note on your car, I did not mean those things I wrote about your mother
I dated a guy who always kneeled and prayed before sex. I still don’t know if he was scared of what I’d do or thankful. Either way, amen.
[Watching the Food Network]
Me: She made THAT with those 3 ingredients? That’s DISGUSTING!
Also me: *dips cornbread in pickle juice*
judas: i would never betray jesus he’s the best
jesus: my favorite movie is the Minions Movie
judas: i am going to betray the son of God
Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?
Pay me and I’ll tell you whether or not your kid is actually cute.
Have you ever read a reply so stupid you had to click on the profile to see if the person looks as stupid?
The anger from one Canada goose, if harnassed properly, could power Toronto for a year
Honey Boo Boo evolves into Sugar Scab! Pokemon is back baby!
My son lying to his little sister so she isn’t sad about a movie ending reminds me this year has brought them so much closer together and also kids will lie about anything
thank god the sign was there
“i acknowledge that i have read and agree to the above terms and conditions”
Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101.
Today’s class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you’re here now, you failed.
me: *popping balloons*
kid: you’re mean
me: do YOU want to smuggle the heroin
I have just completed knitting a tiny sweater for my one true friend, who is a grape.
Human: *jumps*
Kangaroo: *under breath* amateur
Human: *pole vaults*
Kangaroo: wait WTF?
KFC suspends iconic ‘finger lickin’ good’ slogan amid coronavirus fears
[my first day on the international space station]
*grinds pepper over food*
Oh.
Oh no.
I accept CASH APOLOGIES ONLY. Thats why its called ACCOUNTABILITY…it goes into my ACCOUNT
You’ve got a lotta nerve showing up here and being right.
Don’t be so critical of the human race. This is the first time we’ve destroyed a planet.