This feels like a totally reasonable reaction
#comics #webcomic #snowman #frosty
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Tonight our 4 year old ate his dinner in a record time of 4 hours 27 minutes
You might want to read all of my tweets… so that when the movie comes out you can be all pompous and say the timeline was better.
You look like a snack:
-way overused
-not specific enough
-not enough affectionate noisesYou look like a moose:
-a very cute moose
-make all the boy moose go HWAAAAH
Knowing that Tolkien’s original name for Frodo was Bingo, this is all I can think of whenever I watch this scene.
My new oil business is a nonprofit but only because I’m not making any money and just buying yachts.
My children were pretending to lead a workout class, and one of them stopped and yelled “tater tot break” and this is a fitness trend I can fully embrace.
Today’s homeschooling Google searches:
RT if you know someone like this!!!
Bear 1: Is that guy playing Nickelback on his hike?
Bear 2: Yup. Give me a minute to stretch.
Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.
My boss at the stencil factory once asked me to make a template for work, so next morning I went to the temp’s house and let her tyres down
[first day as diving instructor]
Guy [from the back]: what’s the signal for a shark
Me: sharks don’t really give signals they just show up
Just once I’d like to meet a person whose job is to make captchas so I can slap him in the face for making my life difficult.
Everyone hates millennials until it’s time to convert a PDF into a Word document
Opposing counsel licks his thumb every time he turns a page in his file and basically I didn’t even know this rage inside me existed.
“Nope, it needs more vowels”
– Hawaiians
Left the kids alone in a room with some styrofoam. One just yelled “it’s snowing” and the other started singing jingle bells. What have I done
I’m Agnostic, which means I’m an Atheist with commitment issues.
[At a bar]
Guy: Did it hurt?
Me: What?
G: When you fell walking in. I saw you fall on your face. Everyone saw.
My daughters moved out on their own and they call me periodically to ask for advice and answers. I kind of thought watching me raise them would have proven that I’m winging it, but for some reason, they think that I know things?
History is written by the victors. That’s why I only trust historians who are cool and good looking. If someone seems like a loser they’re probably not writing real history.
911: 911, whats your emergency?
Man: a guy got hit by a car. He needs an ambulance.
911: what’s your location?
Man: I’m on eucalyptus st.
911: can you spell that for me?
Man: (pause)
911: Sir?
Man: I’m gonna drag him over to First ave & call you back
My signature move is texting “There in 5” while I’m 80 miles away and embroiled in a Kung Fu Dance battle with an uncouth cattle farmer.
Taking the dog to the vet see you in $300
My 5-year-old just muttered “Time for plan L.”
I don’t know what plans A through K were, but it sounds like he’s having a worse day than me
Boss: I thought I said no costumes this week.
Me: These are my clothes.
The good news is that my appetite has come back. The bad news is that my appetite has come back.
Curiosity should start overthrowing the local government and drilling for oil any minute now.
Got very excited when I saw that Mastodon was trending. Was quite disappointed to discover that it had nothing to do with prehistoric animals.
Oddly enough, ever since downloading
AdBlock onto my computer …..all the local girls in my area
seem to have lost interest.