Most fears fill us with doubt and “what ifs” that imprison us. The more you do to get out of your comfort zone, the more fear will subside. In life, do what scares you, and you’ll grow and succeed!
📸: @blessingmanifesting
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Vin Diesel’s full name is Vintage Dieselengine.
For once I would like to get through an entire work day without my boss waking me up.
I put the tomatos and the ketchup right next to each other in my refrigerator just so all the food knows I have no mercy
So excited! I’m taking an online grammar class. No more typos for me.
Nolege is power biches!
When people say “You’re beautiful, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” I want to respond, “Nobody has really been telling me I’m ugly.”
evanescence – noun: the process of vanishing or fading out of sight, memory, or existence.
So that’s what happened. Great band name, guys.
ME: We’re adopting a baby!
FRIEND: Congrats! Will you need my old baby gate?
ME: [considers summoning a baby] Nah, we’ll get one from this dimension
They should make you watch a training video and pass a little test before you’re allowed to touch the office coffee maker.
i bet when fish see it’s raining they’re like “oh cool a refill”
I have never seen a construction crane being put in place. They just show up.
*Me, getting my arm bitten off during a zombie apocalypse*
5: *crying*
Me: It’s okay, son.
5: You said you were gonna get me a snack.
white people writing latinos in fics: i kissed my ten brothers and sisters goodbye and stepped out of my pueblo on the way to school. i blast gasolina in my headphones as i walk past the mariachi band. sometimes it’s hard para me to creer because i olvidar a switch languages
FROM: Harvard
SUBJ: Your PhD application
We are unable to accept you at this time as “Teaching Squirrels Karate” is too cool for us.
I let my work email inbox get too full and now I can’t send or receive emails. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this sooner.
*pulls home cooked meal out of oven*
*family awkwardly stares at me*
Yup, this is definitely not my house.
GIRL: what’s your sign
ME: [silently pointing up to the glowing Arbys logo in the distance]
Sorry, but that was only my favorite food in the world BEFORE you bought 5 cases of it at Costco.
-Kids
Thank God I wasn’t on twitter when I was in college. It would’ve taken me 65 years to get my degree.
I sexually identify as that one flickering letter on the neon motel sign.
Wish a poltergeist would move in so there’d be someone else to blame when I lose my shit.
If people are going to judge me they should at least hold up scorecards so I know how I’m doing.
MAYBE PEACH JUST LIKES BOWSER A LOT AND WE’RE FOLLOWING A NARRATIVE OF MARIO THE DELUSIONAL HOMEWRECKER.
*cops pull me from operating room*
hot instagram model girl: before each workout i always drink this
me: [laying in bed covered in crumbs] im gonna buy that
The word October loosely translates to ’eight bers’
Who the hell named it a ” Crop-Top ” and not a ” T-short “?
I feel like calling it a “nervous system” was just setting me up for failure.
Got a booty text from my ex-husband so I did the logical thing and forwarded it to his new girlfriend.
why do only doctors get a special hammer for beating people with. I should be allowed to have one of these too
When Americans say Math instead of Maths I find it so damn exy
I’ve slept with my hands covering my neck to ward off vampires since I was a child and you know what? It works.