@carlyken My son turns 3 in two weeks and has zero interest in potty training. I’m trying one more time and then it’ll be his future wife’s problem.
@ambamthankyamam Apparently my hub is a 92 yr old trapped in a younger body. He just referred to you guys as my Pinstagram friends.
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@carlyken 
@david8hughes [laser tag]
Instructor: Dude, you’re not gonna run out of ammo
Me [strapping bayonet to the end of gun]: let’s just agree to disagree
@ericsshadow If you had to decide between being fat and rich or poor and skinny, what bridge would you sleep under?
@BDGarp When a woman says “WHAT did you just say?” say something different.
@UncleDuke1969 The worst part about “Friends” being canceled is that I’ve now been stuck with Rachel’s last haircut since 2004.
@funnybeachgirl 2 goldfish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says “YOU MAN THE GUNS, I’LL DRIVE!”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
(I’m not deleting this)
@Adam14 Are people with googly eyes better at searching for stuff?
@smiles_and_nods After my third trip to the grocery store to buy ingredients for our ice cream maker it hit me — they sell ice cream at the grocery store.
@Bizarro_Mark My parents haven’t called with a computer problem in 48 hours. I’m sending my brother over there to check on them.
@ddsmidt A lady posted her grandmother’s brownie recipe, so I tried making them. Turns out her grandma was a terrible cook