
Europe. Made in Germany.
Customer spelling her name:
Me: Is that V as in Victor or Z as in Zebra?
Her: Z as in Xylophone.And this, kids, is why education is key.
Europe. Made in Germany.
*turns around in my chair and I’m stroking a whole glazed ham in my lap* I’ve been expecting you.
at my high school reunion everyone kept asking where my date was so I finally told them my dog ate him. no one laughed
One time I made a snowman and gave him a cucumber nose. Carrot noses are the standard protocol but I’m what u would call a rebel.
A true Columbus Day sale in a mattress store would mean all the merchandise is infested with smallpox
Why is mild cheddar even a thing? Who are these people who can’t handle sharp cheddar & why are they allowed to influence the cheese market?
Welcome to your 50s. Your brain says “Yes,” but your body says “We need to talk.”
[100 year old man on job interview]
“Do you have any references?”
Sure, hold on. *pulls out Ouija board*
*UFO attacks*
Govt: It’s a weather balloon.*UFO destroys Eiffel Tower*
Govt: Weather balloon.*UFO conquers Earth*
Govt: Weather balloon.
You’d think the neighbors wouldn’t be so upset about the helpful notes I left for them regarding their god awful Christmas decorations.