Your Daily Dose Of Unadulterated Funny Tweets

Hangman is a lovely childhood game where you slowly draw a man killing himself if another kid can’t read your mind.

According to commercials, a woman’s primary goal in life is to lock in moisture.

9 year-old attempts to follow a recipe:
“It says here to separate the eggs. How far apart do they have to be?”

*takes your order*
*goes to kitchen*
*comes back*
“did you say grilled cheese or gorilla cheese?”
grilled
*sighs*
*goes to kitchen*

Baby sharks can hunt for food as soon as they are born and my children cannot find their underwear drawer.

This remains in the top 10 best memes of all time.

Sorry you saw that piece of corn but I tried flushing five times and it just wouldn’t go down.

1% milk was invented when someone poured regular milk into a glass that still had water in it and they were too ashamed to admit their mistake.

[pours miracle-gro on a nickel] i need this to work

why was 6 mad when 7 won her a stuffed elephant? because 7 1 1 4 9 2