i love that bands still pretend to leave before their encore. like peekaboo for adults
Guacamole is my favorite food that looks like someone already ate it.
You Might Also Like
Sharp cheeses are so much better than dull cheeses
Can I borrow Air Force 1? I promised this girl we’d eat at the Pizza Hut in France
*Biden slams fist*
THIS IS BULLSHIT
When someone reads your message, then never responds, it’s just hurtful.
I mean, what else could they possibly have going on at 3 AM?
“I killed a man”
“Lol had to get that off my chest, now why did you come in today, my son?”
My 7yo learned that a seal in French is a “phoque” and like every Canadian child before her, she is enjoying this sweet swear loophole to its fullest
Current forecast: 3-6 inches of 🔥🔥🔥🔥
While I usually love my son’s sense of humour, pretending to not know us as we went through airport security was not one of those times
I wish my ex girlfriend was a Ninja, this way I’d never see her
Me: Doing great?
B: No, I’m letting you
M: Have the corner office?
B: Constantly completing my sentences wrong.