When complaining of a stomach ache, you don’t really need to point to it or pat it gently. People pretty much know where the stomach is.
“Tell me a strength.”
I’m a decision maker.
“Excellent. How about a weakness?”
I’m a bad decision maker.
You Might Also Like
Halloween: The one day I can flap my arms like a bat and nobody asks any questions.
If Elsa could bring snow to life why didn’t she make herself some pets? I’d have like 50 snowcats by now.
The worst part about breaking up right before Halloween is now I have to explain at every party why I’m dressed as half of a horse.
(Ad for a baby)
• gently used
• can’t even kill you
• doesn’t shed
• poops on a learning curve
• goes from 0-60 in roughly 60 years
I fed my dogs spaghetti so they could kiss, but instead they’re growling over a cold meatball and not sitting still for my painting.
Me: I need 50 packets of condoms
Pharmacist: Somebody has a busy weekend!
*cut to me making raincoats for my pet snakes*
Unfortunately, the house having ‘period features’ turned out to mean we had to get the decorators in once a month.
Mary on Facebook says this generation is way to reliant on technology…
She then sent me 7 Candy Crush invites
Cartoons made it seem like I’d be regularly hit in the head with fallen anvils, but it’s only happened to me three times.