@daemonic3

Leading causes of cancer:
1. Smoking
2. Aging
3. Radiation
4. Diet
5. WebMD

You Might Also Like

@WilliamAder

Wile E. Coyote’s Amazon reviews of Acme products are pretty scathing.

@jus4golf

No kid, you don’t have it hard. When I was a kid we had to eat without camera phones.

@clindsaysway

Sleeping Beauty taught me that:
1. I’m not the laziest girl in the land
2. If you sleep long enough, strange men break in & do stuff to you.

@themorris23

My wife calls it “woman’s intuition” but I call it “not clearing your browser history.”

@Dawn_M_

If you say “guess who died?” with a big smile on your face some people get kinda angry.

@PopeAwesomeXIII

Considering both Bruce Wayne’s parents died and he used his inheritance to become Batman we should kill other billionaires and see what other cool shit we get

@Jennifergr8

I’m beginning to think some of you are not your Avi’s, which makes me sad. I thought I had a unicorn and dinosaur friend.

@TurboJellyBean

My signature move is getting drunk before anyone can ask me to be the designated driver.