The reason I can’t bake is the excessive effort to take out and put back all the pots and pans stored inside the oven

You Might Also Like


*Wife blows me a kiss from across the room*

*I pretend to catch it*

*I walk over to the window and toss it outside*

“Grow up Karen”


In an unexpected motion, Texas Republicans have voted to move midnight to 1am.


tums is missing out on selling pumpkin spice flavored antacid and calling it autums.


Every time you block report some porn bot for spam, I lose another follower.


Didn’t sleep much but I got a few solid hours of worrying done.


*takes a home pregnancy test*
*finds out home is pregnant*
*calls a carpenter to find out if it’s gonna be a shed or a gazebo*


The Lord of the Rings is my favorite movie about how he didn’t go to Jared®️


My ex is such a loser that if there was a competition for the world’s biggest loser, he’d still only win 2nd place.


Earth is huge. There must be like 9 or 10 different countries on this thing.