*seductively tries to take off sock with his other foot*
@Area51eh This no more tears shampoo sucks. I’ve been feeding it to my friends kid and he’s still crying.
Must be doing something wrong.
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@noog Me: Hi.
Girl: No.
@RocketRankoon *swivels around in evil chair*
*evil laugh*
*pets evil cat*
*evil cat laughs*
*jumps out of evil chair*
“Holy shit, that cat just laughed!”
@NickSwardson Congrats to the person that invented the wobbly restaurant table. It’s basically everywhere now.
@lisaxy424 *finally finds comfiest position in bed*
bladder: so you’re not going to believe this
@Fred_Delicious Age 8 – “I can achieve anything”
18 – “should I buy a lobster farm?”
28 – “if you are watching this then I have been killed by lobsters”
@howe007 Is your refrigerator running?
Because I might vote for it.
@Shariv67 It puts the lotion in the basket. Then it calls the wife to make sure it’s the right brand so it doesn’t get the hose again.
@Bodegacats_ 
@palokin Still trying to figure out how to compliment a woman’s skin without sounding like I want to wear it