@fillthevacuum
@ellle_em Cat: WHERE AM GO?
Me: uh
Cat: PLS DO NOT SAY VET
Me: well
Me: um
Cat: U HAVE BETRAYED CAT
You Might Also Like
@ellle_em 
@traciebreaux *at Wal-Mart*
Husband: A couple is fighting on the cereal aisle
Me: It’s not us this time
*we fist bump*
@noog [Year 2090]
A teenager unwraps a birthday present
“What is this thing grandpa?”
“That’s called a book”
“What’s it do?”
“It fixes idiots”
@lianamaeby “It was M. Day Shyamalan all along!” – The ultimate twist
@itsBABYSMITH mom always warned us not to sit too close to the TV, but we turned out pergectly fime.
@SwedishCanary At this point my only chance at getting thinner is going to a paint store.
@Jake_Vig Picking baby names is basically just listing names until you come to a name you don’t associate with some idiot you encountered at some point in your life.
@Chhapiness My wife still brings up that one time in 2013 I was indecisive about which shirt to wear, after her water broke
@darealkykilla yall pray for me, nothing’s wrong im just in college
@fro_vo Captain America: ok Avengers, we can defeat Ultron if we work as a team. Remember, no man is an island
Island Man: oh come on not this again