We got two inches of snow last night and now I can’t find my Smart Car.

You Might Also Like


Felix went to the moon, took 5 photos. She went to the bathroom, took 37 photos.


A man was arrested on Brighton beach today for throwing pebbles at the sea birds.

He was accused of having left no tern unstoned.


The worst thing about owls is the way they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.


I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there’s no point in bothering with hash browns then.


me: Should I pack condoms?
wife*still laughing*
me*checks into the hotel*
wife*calls friend so they can both laugh*


A group of contradictions is called a “Bible.”


[Bethsaida 28 AD]

BAKER: Such a huge crowd…I’m gonna sell so many loaves

“Five loaves please”


“Jesus is here”

BAKER: Sonuva


Just got kicked off a corn forum for saying you can eat the cob. I’ll just sign up with a different name. They can’t silence the truth.


So women draw their eyebrows on daily, and nothing is said.

I sharpie on a beard for movember and suddenly everyone has something to say.