Cat: WHERE AM GO?
Cat: PLS DO NOT SAY VET
Cat: U HAVE BETRAYED CAT
We got two inches of snow last night and now I can’t find my Smart Car.
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Husband: A couple is fighting on the cereal aisle
Me: It’s not us this time
*we fist bump*
A teenager unwraps a birthday present
“What is this thing grandpa?”
“That’s called a book”
“What’s it do?”
“It fixes idiots”
“It was M. Day Shyamalan all along!” – The ultimate twist
mom always warned us not to sit too close to the TV, but we turned out pergectly fime.
At this point my only chance at getting thinner is going to a paint store.
Picking baby names is basically just listing names until you come to a name you don’t associate with some idiot you encountered at some point in your life.
My wife still brings up that one time in 2013 I was indecisive about which shirt to wear, after her water broke
yall pray for me, nothing’s wrong im just in college
Captain America: ok Avengers, we can defeat Ultron if we work as a team. Remember, no man is an island
Island Man: oh come on not this again