How to place cats on green screens using Adobe After Effects everywhere
You Might Also Like
If you’re renting, and your landlord has a no pets policy, you can keep bats as long as you pretend to be mad about it.
felt that
My friend reluctantly let her 10yo attend a birthday party before family pictures and asked that she do her best not to get muddy. She did not, however, specify that she shouldn’t get her face painted in camouflage. We’re all very excited for this year’s Christmas card.
Me: *gestures to the bellhop to take my bags to my room*
Vanilla Ice: Yo man, I don’t work here
M: *slips him a five*
VI: Right away sir
therapist: so, what do you say when she says that
me: you sound like your mom
therapist: 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
(Invention of the necktie)
I can’t figure out how to tie this silk noose. Looks like I’ll have to go to the dinner party after all.
Me as a chef:
oops! 5 second rule!oops! 5 second rule!
oops! 5 second rule!
Pick up, table two
Since Hemsworth didn’t go for Thanos’s head, Avengers: Infinity War is a Chris miss movie.
When the handyman forgets you have cameras in the house 😍
Why isn’t Cindy spelled Sindie? Whoever caid C makes an S cound was ctupid.
Sorry I marked myself as safe on Facebook after your PowerPoint presentation.
I like a baked potato because the name is the instructions.
Have you been working out? You look amazing! You should be a supermodel. I ran over your dog.
Ever since Facebook allowed images in their comments sections people only ever communicate via pictures. We’re 21st-century cavemen.
Maybe I misheard him…
But I think God just told me to start building a really big goat.
They say a woman deserves a man that looks at her every day like it’s the first time he’s seen her. It’s wrong to promote Alzheimer’s.
6yo: “Mom, Mom! I got to the number 200.”
Me: “Wow! Great job counting.”
6yo: “Thanks, I want to get to 300 stickers on the floor!”
Me: “Wait, what?”
Hey ghosts, I just updated my kitchen with open shelving good luck slamming the cupboards you nerds
[at an umpire’s funeral]
me: i’m so sorry. how did he die?
mourner: STEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-ROKE!!
The people at this winery are acting like they’ve never seen someone pull a rotisserie chicken out of a purse before.
[security patting down mouse]
“Any cheese on your person, sir?”
[waves another mouse over them like a metal detector wand]
“He’s clean.”
[death row sitcom]
Me [sits down in a chair to eat]: This chicken is raw!
Warden [flicks switch]: That’s about to change
Sign: *APPLAUSE*
I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.
Therapy: Expensive
saying “ew” out loud to anything or anyone that opposes you: Free
kayleigh i promise i won’t make fun of your name again pleighse give me another chance
Most fears fill us with doubt and “what ifs” that imprison us. The more you do to get out of your comfort zone, the more fear will subside. In life, do what scares you, and you’ll grow and succeed!
📸: @blessingmanifesting
[at movie theatre]
Wife: Shhhhhhhhhhh
Son: …
Daughter: …
Me (whispers): …it
how it started vs how it ended
I’m at my most walk of shame when I’m wearing sweatpants heading back to the buffet for the third time.
I’m thrilled that you found Jesus. Where was he hiding?