I know House of the Dragon just came out but I’m already imagining what the sequels would look like: Semi-detached Condo of the Dragon, Tiny House of the Dragon, Abandoned Warehouse of the Dragon
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broke secret sevrice guy turns his pocket inside out and strangles an assassin with it. opens wallet and unleashes a torrent of moths at him
I ran without my headphones today & was reminded that I feel better about my fitness when my soundtrack isn’t my panicked gasping breathing.
“boys are only interested in one thing” yes and that thing is artisanal olive oils
Life in your 40’s:
Friend: Come on…have a drink with me, it’s Saturday night!
Me: No thanks, I have to work Tuesday.
@SchmuckOnAHorse “Dad, why is my sister named Teresa?”
“Because your Mom loves anagrams, and Teresa is an anagram of Easter, the day she was conceived.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“No problem, Alan.”
I consider it a personal victory everytime that I don’t ask a person wearing a leg cast if they’ve broken their leg.
Screaming out “BOOM PREGNANT!” during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
Nickelback jokes are the Nickelback of jokes.
“Up for anything unless my gout flares up.”
– from my dating profile
I only put healthy stuff in my kid’s lunchbox so the teacher doesn’t judge me.