@funflaps YOU: Your guess is as good as mine
ME: Is it a dolphin wearing a banana hammock?
YOU: Ok maybe your guess isn’t as good as mine
@AimeeHelene1 My CW just barked.
Ok, it may have been a burp, but I’d like him a lot more if he were turning into a dog, so I think he barked.
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@funflaps 
@dylan_bell3 cushion on the right slightly discoloured
@DrakeGatsby Penguins are always dressed in formalwear because they often need to go to court to answer for their terrible crimes
@JennyJohnsonHi5 People who say, “Make it rain” about anything other than weather are the people who reply to spam emails about sexy singles in their area.
@wendchymes It might be time to diet when you ask Siri to call your ” boyfriend” and she dial’s up Domino’s pizza
@meganamram Years ago, scientists knew barely anything about space! It was probably because those scientists were babies
@Reverend_Scott Sorry I said, “Maybe you’ll do better next time” when you showed me your baby.
@GoldenSpirals Naked and Afraid,
but it’s just me staring down a spider in the shower.
@KevinHart4real I just saw a man get hit by a car…he got hit & fell down & then got up & chased the car down the block!!!! His legs must be strong as shit
@ACartoonCat *first date*
Her: So what animal would you be?
Me: Oh a cat for sure!
Her: Aw cute!
(Later that night)
Me: *stood next to a closed door screaming at the top of my lungs*
Her: …Ok considerably less cute.